The Expressions of Yuki Nagato
by Sudden Enigma
Summary: Based on Vol. 4 of the novels. What if Kyon chooses to stay in the altered reality? Why does he do it? What are the consequences? Rated T for mild language, especially in future chapters. STORY BEING REWORKED. MAY POST MORE.
1. Extraordinarily Ordinary

When I first watched the anime, I liked Kyon x Haruhi as a pairing. But then I read the novels, and that made me prefer Yuki a lot more. Guess you could even go as far as to call me a fan boy. So, I wanted to write a Yuki x Kyon fic, and it took me a couple tries to find a concept I liked. First I was considering writing my own volume 10, but ultimately decided volume four's my favorite, so I'll work with that. And it wouldn't be the same without it being in the same style.

Also keep in mind this is based on the novels, especially volume four. This picks up during the second chapter or so of that volume. But I gave a bit of a summary for whoever didn't read it.

Disclaimer: I don't see why this would ne necessary. The website is called **Fan**. Which means I'm just a fan, writing some fiction.

* * *

So here I am, walking home with a girl I don't really know. Well, I did know her, but then things changed. They changed dramatically and instantly, from the very moment I got to school yesterday morning. That seems like a weird, and totally puzzling situation, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I'm probably the only person who can honestly say he'd be more puzzled by everything being normal. What I'm talking about is that my high school life up until now has been a crazy messed up world, and now, it's completely sane. The girl who sat behind me the past eight months isn't the same as the one who sat there the other day. Reality itself changed, and now Haruhi is missing, as is Koizumi and his entire class, classroom and all. But all that isn't what alerted me to the change. It was definitely the fact that I saw a ghost, one who had tried to kill me months ago, and ended up deleted. That's right, Ryoko Asakura is back, and fortunately not with a vengeance, otherwise I'd be dead already.

This place is definitely taking some getting used to. When I first figured out things were different, I went somewhat crazy. The first member of the SOS Brigade I found was Miss Asahina, who, in my confused stupor, I assaulted, scared, and was punched by. Now that I have a level head, I can't say I didn't deserve it. I managed to wander to the clubroom, which was yet again home to the near extinct literature club. I rushed in, and in my frenzy, pinned Nagato to the wall, seemingly to rape her. My thoughts cleared when I realized what I was doing, and I settled down. Somehow Nagato found it in her heart to not be afraid, and she invited me to join the literature club instead. And the biggest clue to how foreign this world is to me is the smallest thing.

The walk is quiet. I can't say there's a ton that's different between this Nagato and the one I've known for so long. They're both silent to a fault, and have very bad social skills. The biggest difference is this one shows her feelings significantly more than the one in the SOS Brigade, though I have to admit that I kind of like the literary club Nagato. Being that she knows me only in passing, I can't think of any reason why she'd invite me over. I mean, sure, I might get a chance to learn more about the keys, and what the program they start actually is, but I'm sure Nagato doesn't know anything about them, and doesn't have any information for me. Not that she's aware of, anyway.

Everything's silent, all the way up to her door. Her apartment is just as in descript as I remembered, barren walls, no curtains, the only thing is a simple kotatsu. I even notice the sliding door that leads to the room I spent a three year long instance in. I have my doubts, but I'm too desperate for a clue.

"I don't mean to intrude, but can I look in here?"

"Sure," Nagato says as she brings out a tea set.

It's not surprising at all. I don't find anything but tatami mats in the guest room. I shrug, and go to sit down at the kotatsu, where Nagato is serving two cups of tea. The last time I did this, Nagato had giving me a long spiel about the world, herself as an alien, and Haruhi as an evolutionary key. Only real difference at this moment is it's so much colder. Is history about to repeat itself? Or am I just thinking too much?

As I ponder the situation, I notice Nagato's eyes drop to the table. She's obviously trying to say something, but doesn't know where to begin. It looks as if she's struggling to keep herself from saying something she wants to shout to the world. Such an intense internal battle must be difficult on such a shy girl.

"We've met once before," she finally began. "Outside of school."

"Really? Where?" It's tough keeping myself sounding like I don't know.

"The library, in May." Does she mean when the SOS Brigade went on it's first Search for the Mysterious? But Haruhi was there... How is it that Nagato doesn't know her?

"You assisted me in making a library card." Assisted? I practically did everything, but no need to sweat the details. But there's finally another link!

She explains further, telling me a different story from what I remember. It was her first trip to the public library, and it was quite a busy day. She had wanted to check out a book, but the librarians were busy, and she was too timid to even be noticed. Then, in her distress, a student who offered to do all the paper work for her came to her aid.

So I'm the one who helped her get a library card. The story may have its differences, but it shares a couple of similarities to the memory engraved in my brain. Such as that it was her first time there, and that I made the card for her. But I didn't just happen to be there, I was the one who took her there in an attempt to pass the time. I think she had something akin to an orgasm seeing that many books. The differences make it hard to say that I remember, and a heavy silences smothers the room.

I want to say I remember, Nagato put herself out there to tell me this. She's obviously hoping to hear me say I remember, but I don't want to tell her something that's only half true. I remember the event, but my recollection has a large variance from hers. But I can tell right now, that memory is more important than I can understand this instant. It may even be a clue towards who made pigs fly, and most definitely why. The only question left would be "how?".

_Ding-dong._

The bell ringing from the intercom interrupts our silence. Thank God, I thought this apartment was becoming a monastery, and I'm listed as the eldest monk. Nagato's spirit nearly crosses over in surprise, but she collects herself and walks over to answer the page. I can't fathom who'd be visiting as I listen to Nagato try her best, as quietly as she is, to get the person to leave. But whoever is there is far pushier than she can handle, and she lets the visitor in.

"What do you mean you have company?"

The door swings open roughly, and in walks a girl carrying a large pot, wearing a school uniform which I'm all but too familiar with.

"You? What are you doing here?" She swiftly kicks off her shoes. "You didn't force your way here, did you?"

Dishes crash in the kitchen as Nagato prepares plates and chopsticks.

"I'm the one who cooks for my family. And Nagato lives alone, so I make some for her as well. Otherwise, she's be malnourished and would be completely alone. But it still bothers me, what is it you're doing here?" Asakura really is just a generous person, it seems.

I don't have any words. What am I doing here? I'm here because Nagato extended me an invitation. Well, that and I guess I want to find out more about these keys, and the situation I've found myself in. But, I can't say that, so I make up a lie.

"Remember the confused state I was in? Well, it eventually led me to the literary club room. And, though she didn't understand what was going on, Nagato had helped me get my bearings. And to tell the truth, I've always had an interest in books, though I don't know if it's in reading them or writing them. I talked with Nagato about it, and walked her home. Our discussion wasn't done, so she invited me in."

"I really doubt you'd be able to have such an in depth discussion with Nagato." Shit, did she catch my bluff?

"Well, it was more like me just talking out my problems. She didn't really say much."

The sent of the oden drifts to my nose, and it's narcotic. The smell is so strong that it would make even an anorexic have an appetite. Asakura sits at the corner, her legs folded, and her eyes glaring at me. The stares start drilling holes in my head, and I can't stand it. I grab my bag and walk towards the door.

"So you're not going to eat?"

I only keep walking. As I pass the kitchen, I nearly bump into Nagato, carrying plates, chopsticks, and mustard.

"I'm sorry, but I'm leaving, okay?"

I start to walk away, but then I feel the slightest tug on my sleeve. It's so light that if I had started moving, my own movement would have masked it. It's the scene of the movie where the heroine chases after her lover as he leaves her for good. I turn back and see Nagato looking at the floor, her hand still attached to my sleeve. I just couldn't resist the sad look on her face.

"Alright, I'll stay."

And the greatest reward is mine, though nearly no one would even notice what it is. Nagato smiles.

Dinner is mostly just Asakura talking. I half ass any answer I give her, and Nagato doesn't speak at all. Her attention is fully directed at chewing, tiny piece by tiny piece. After we finish eating, Nagato takes the dishes to the kitchen.

"Do you like Nagato?" Asakura giggles.

Well, I don't hate her. But that sounds negative. If I have to choose between like or hate, it's definitely the former, hands down. I mean, she has done a lot for me. From saving me from a murderous Asakura, to making my passage back from three years in the past a safe one. This isn't that same Nagato, but I can't help but to think of her as the same. The two Nagatos even share the same personality, with only a few subtle differences. So, of course I like her, but what does my silence mean to the interrogation?

"I see. I guess I'm just thinking too much about it. I guess she's not your type."

"My type?"

"The weird ones, right?" another giggle.

"You've talked to Kunikida, haven't you?"

"Just overheard him, that's all. Sorry if I offended you."

"I'm used to it."

"Just one last thing," Asakura's cheerfulness doesn't fade, but her tone becomes more serious, "Please be serious about anything important with Nagato. She's a fragile girl, and I'd never forgive you if you hurt her."

The image of a knife wielding schoolgirl flashes through my head just as Nagato returns to the room. Asakura says her good byes and takes her leave. I almost join her, but I decide to pick up our previous conversation.

"Nagato." She only looks at me in silence. "I do remember the library in May, but the memory I have is not the same."

"What do you mean?"

"My memories from the beginning of May up until yesterday have all been different. Though I did help you make a library card, that much is certain. But the differences were that we were there as part of another club. A club that doesn't exist, other than in my memories. But we were both members, and we had split into teams, we were together for the afternoon. So, in order to kill time, I took you to the library. When it came time to leave, you were in the middle of a book, so I had to get you a card so we could meet up with the rest of the club."

"And that's all?" The look on Nagato's face tells me she doesn't believe me.

"Well in my memories, up until yesterday, you were an alien. And the literary clubroom was used for a club called the SOS Brigade. Yesterday morning, I woke up, and the whole world was different."

"So then you are a different person from the one I met at the library?"

"I don't think so. A lot of the details are the same. You're still just as quiet as you were then, and you still love reading. Asahina, another member, is just as timid as a mouse, like always. My classmates still act the same as they did a week ago, other than the cold going around. So, people didn't change who they are."

"Some things change, while others stay the same. It's thoroughly confusing, even when you know all the details."

"I'm..." Nagato is at a loss for words. I can't blame her.

"You don't have to believe me."

"Please leave." I stare at her, not immediately comprehending what she said. "Just go, I don't know what to think right now. You may just be a deranged lunatic."

"You're right." I entirely agree with her, when I think about it. "I don't mean to put all this on you. I'm sorry, it's just that I have no one else to turn to."

I sling my bag on my shoulder and head home. Is this world really better? When I compare the wild life I was living until now, this normalcy seems nice, but I don't think I could get used to it again. Am I so used to obscurities that I can't exist in a regular lifestyle? What would I do if I stay in this reality? I have a lot of options, but I have no ideas.

And all this while, where is Haruhi?

* * *

I've been meaning to get this up for quite some time now. I wrote this a few months ago, but then stopped due to a lot going on. But here it is, and I plan on keeping it updated every week or so. Leave a review, and I'll get to work on the next chapter right away.


	2. The Novel Which Is Life

Finally! It's the overdue second chapter of The Expressions of Yuki Nagato! I know I said I'd try to update every week, but I've been pretty unlucky for the past month or so. Lost all of my documents (including a good amount of this chapter), and my motivation went with it. I've been spending a lot of time trying to get my programs to work again, and can't even get MSN working very well. Oh well. Things will get better when I get a new computer, but that won't be for quite some time.

Anyway, I was going to make this chapter longer, but I realized that it's already long enough, and it reached a good stopping point. This is about half of what i was going to write, so the second half will be the next chapter. Hopefully that will be online faster than this update.

To all my reviewers: Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. And I went back to fix all those typos for you! I really do feel bad for making you wait this long, so I'll really try to get chapter 3 up as soon as possible.

Without further ado, Chapter 2: The Novel Which Is Life!

* * *

Haruhi, Haruhi, Haruhi! Damn that girl makes my life hell, even when she's nowhere to be found. Well, at least I don't have to deal with Koizumi's philosophical jargon. All I know right now is that there are keys out there, and I'm supposed to find them. The deadline was either yesterday or today, I'm still not sure. So it comes down to the fact that I'm in distress and Nagato's the one to save me again. How many times has it been now? It doesn't really matter, it gets solved somehow, and Haruhi never knows the difference, even with being the cause of it all.

Honestly, I'm somewhat sick of it. Haruhi just drags everyone along on her numerous schemes, and no one stops her. She ignores me, Koizumi just supports everything she says, Asahina is too timid to try to stop her, and Nagato… just reads. I never had a choice with Haruhi around. Never had a choice about being a part of the SOS Brigade. Never had a choice to be put in all sorts of dangerous situations.

But all that's gone now. Does that mean I have the choice? Given that, I figure I'm supposed to find these keys, which would mean going back to reality, back to the SOS Brigade. Or I could keep things this way, couldn't I? I have been complaining about not having a choice in the matter since the beginning, though I have to admit it's been kind of fun. From going into another dimension to meet a giant cave cricket, to traveling three years into the past, to just sitting in the Brigade room playing games with Koizumi. It was all fun, but is it what I really want?

This morning's definitely not being kind to me. Not only did I have indecision induced insomnia, but my sister fell off the bed as she was jumping on me to wake me up. And now Taniguchi's back, even if he is only forty percent himself. Class four, my class, is all looking at me like some sort of circus animal.

"I've heard you've become the class clown while I was gone." Maybe this is the circus. That doesn't stop my blundering idiot of a friend, however. "So, what's her name again?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Why… Why would you be looking for her? How do you know her?"

"Little bit of dementia, that's all."

After pretty much the same speech I got at the start of school, I finally find out that Haruhi is attending Kouyouen Academy.

Kyouen… That's the pre-disappearance all girls school at the bottom of the hill we North High students walk up and down every day. It's a rather prestigious school, so they definitely have the normal half day for this time of year, unlike us, who have to endure full length days. Why do we have the bad luck? Let's face it, North High is full of idiots. So that means I have thirty minutes if I'm going to track Haruhi down, or at least have a chance at it.

But what happens if I do?

I still have things I want to do in the proper reality, but I really doubt I can return here. And this Nagato seems to lonely, I feel like I can't just leave her. With how many things didn't change, could it be that the SOS Brigade Nagato was lonely before all this? Speaking of Nagato, why is it she's the only Brigade member I talk to in this world? Did she think this whole thing up? Does that mean she wants me to choose, like I never got to before? She's the one who gave me the option of finding the keys, so she would make them something I _can _find, wouldn't she? And if I go back, that'd mean the SOS Brigade gets back together. So the keys are Haruhi, Koizumi, Asahina, Nagato, and myself? Could it really be that simple? And how would the keys just magically work? Did Nagato place them here in advance, or was she the one who did it? So in the end, it's still my choice to make.

I have to say, staying in school knowing students anywhere else have already gone home is excruciatingly boring. And it doesn't help I can't pay attention to my class to save my life, though I never can even when I don't have a predisposition like today. After the final bell, the class throws their hats to the air and rushes out the door. While pretty much everyone else is in a rush to go home or to hang out with friends, I have a different destination in mind. It's a five minute walk, five minutes I have to decide what I'm going to say. Why do I need to plan my conversations anymore? It's not like Haruhi will be there to unleash avatars of destruction in a world of grey if I say the wrong thing. I don't always have to distance myself. I guess I do really like this world after all.

I knock on the door out of habit, since I'm still subconsciously afraid Mikuru would be inside changing. But of course she isn't. She's spending her time in the calligraphy club, like she was before the SOS Brigade ever formed. At least this way she isn't constantly being sexually harassed by a certain overlord-like brigade chief. Though I will miss the tea she served so full of pride and joy every day after school. She'll make an excellent wife for one hell of a lucky guy some day.

Not hearing a response to my knock, I can't tell if Nagato is in the room or not. But, this being Nagato, I'm fairly certain that she is. She doesn't have anywhere else to go, as far as I know. As I enter, Yuki looks at me, but obviously avoids eye contact. I can't blame her, as the last time we talked, I told her what was my truth, but to her it was a blatant lie. I could possibly have broken her fragile heart back there. "_Please be serious about anything important with Nagato. She's a fragile girl, and I'd never forgive you if you hurt her_." Asakura's words float into my mind. I don't want to think about what she'd do to me.

"I hope you don't mind that I came back." I'm met with silence, as I expected. She really doesn't know when to say something to put a guy at ease.

The situation is quite discomforting, and I can't help but to fidget. As I am, I realize there's a crumpled piece of paper still in my pocket. I take it out and stare at it a few moments. Yuki looks close to tears in the corner of my eye. She must think I'm rejecting her, since the club application is obviously still blank.

"I've decided the past is the past, and it's time to write a new future," I smile, looking at her amethyst eyes. "And all there is to do, is to live in the present."

Nagato's eyes widen as I finish speaking, like I'm something she had never seen before. Thinking about it, it really isn't like me to give motivational speeches. All I know is I'm done with the SOS Brigade, and my future lies with this Literary Club, or should I say it lies with Nagato. If I just keep worrying about everything, I'll just have gray hair before I'm twenty. I'm surprised I hadn't given up yet and tried to mash up, up, down, down, B, A, B, A, start. With Haruhi around, even a cat would lose all its lives.

"What I'm saying is I want to join the Literature Club, if that's all right with you still."

Yuki nods. Someday I'll get her to overcome her lack of social skills, but that will take quite some time. But I know she can do it, her previous self was one tiny muscle at a time.

The next couple days are pretty nonchalant. Nothing happens really worth mentioning. I skim over books, while Nagato reads one thick sci-fi novel after another. She's on her third one this week. I'm amazed that there's still enough books to go around. The slight conversation we have is mostly me just trying to get her to open up a bit more, and be more comfortable around me. My latest save state is about ten really good attempts, and half a success. I guess I'll just take what I can get and select 'continue' from the main menu.

This Nagato is considerably different from the Nagato I've known from the SOS Brigade, though, on the same note, she's definitely similar. The both love their sci-fi novels, they both are quieter than a ghost, and they both spend all their time in this room. The most noticeable difference, aside from her wearing glasses again, is that I catch this one looking up at me from her book from time to time. Did her humanoid interface self do that as well, and I just didn't notice? Now it's going to bug me for a while.

"Is something the matter?" Nagato puts her book down, looking at me with inquisitive eyes. And that's when I realize I was staring at her.

"It's nothing," I pause, wondering what she's thinking, "I think you look better without glasses."

"Oh." I've probably confused her more times than either of us can count since I've shown up to the Literary Club.

Several minutes pass before I realize how late it's gotten. As if almost on cue, Yuki puts away her book, and announces her intent to go home. I whole heartedly agree, and make my own preparations to home, including a mental pep talk about Sisyphus's Hill. But as we're leaving the room, a thought occurs to me.

"Hey," I'm not exactly good with original ways to get someone's attention, okay? "I've been wondering, what do you do on the weekends?"

"Read."

"That's all?"

She nods.

"Well, I think it's a good idea to try to do things you like, but can't do during the week because of school."

I'm answered with a look I can't quite read. It is curiosity? Or is it…. Hope?

"How would you like to spend tomorrow with me? I mean, I'm sure you would enjoy going out with a friend, wouldn't you?"

"It would be enjoyable."


End file.
